Kick Ass #4

Kick Ass #4

By Mark (unfunny) Millar

Right then, being unpopular is my name but being brutally honest is my game, following the crowd just because its hip to do so has never floated my boat.

Unless it has been genuinely praiseworthy.

So who the are you then I hear you ask, what qualifications do you have? And why should l take any notice of you?

Well one, none.

And two, you don’t have to.

But here I am, take it or leave it, reviewing Kick Ass #4.

This Comic started off quite well, I was not sure where the hell it was going, but it was if nothing else original.

Did I say original? I will get back to that.

The first two issues would show how our ordinary and unlikely hero would be baptised in fire to earn his hero credentials, which he does in spades.

You see being a hero is not about being the biggest and strongest, and it’s not about having the biggest gun, although at times this can help.

It’s about the fundamental difference between right and wrong, and being willing to stand your ground and fight when you truly believe that you are right. And although our hero gets a sound kicking, he recovers to later save some poor bastard, this,

as you probably know gets posted on the WWW an Bingo a hero is born.

And so far so good, the book although ultra violent has not in any way offended anyone’s sensibility, and has to this point remained original.

Enter Issue Three, dear oh dear, a Ten year old girl enters the fray, brutally slaughters everyone in sight with a fucking big blade, and shows us that she know how to say the word CUNT. Oh what very clever and well thought out dialoge, this issue was bordering on being UNFUNNY and if you must write stuff like this, please can you keep it to the toilet wall.

And on to Issue Four…

Fuck Me, its Big Daddy & Hit Girl

No, Hang on it’s Dark Knight Batman & Robin the Little Girl Wonder

And it is here that the originality of the book falls by the wayside

The story in this issue does nothing very much; it follows the events after the Girl Wonder slices and Dices her way through a room full of Gangsters.

It shows our Hero Kick Ass leg it after her and ask the question, who are you, to be told by the Big Dude to Fuck Off, while the make a getaway down the side of the building to the Bat mobile, I mean waiting getaway van. They must be the real things he thinks.

Having just left a murder scene, he is understandably distraught, swears to hang up his cape, and continue to pretend to be a homosexual in order to get the girl? Not the brightest of moves.

By the near end we find out that the thugs who were diced up were Jonny G’s men, a top of the range gangster whose son is a geek and frequent the same comic shop as Kick Ass,

And yes it’s a real comic shop, with back issue boxes and everything, not a fucking pretend comic shop that only sells bestselling Graphic Fucking Novels. Of which I dare say Kick Ass is destined to be sold at.

Last Page we see Big ”Batman” Daddy and The Girl Hit Wonder, indulge I a bit of green recycling at the car crusher, only thing is, they forgot to let the driver out, Munch Munch Munch, splat, crunching of bone and squirting of blood, our little pint sized Girl Wonder has the final say with,

“What a Fucking Douche”

This book gets worse with every issue, its only saving grace is that like a car crash you just have to slow down and take a look, and that’s why it sells, morbid curiosity.

On a final note to all of those retailers who entered the Kick Ass poster campaign, I wonder if you will be remembered once this is made into a film, I wonder if Marvel will give you guys an exclusive two weeks head start to sell as many copies of the trade as you can before it goes to the book sellers and the Wal-Mart’s, I think not, but I suspect that the reverse might well happen.

Now there’s a challenge, you up for it Mr Miller?

I know that you are thinking, are you insane, how can you not like this book? Why is it everyone else thinks its Fabulous and you don’t?

Well its simple really, some people like to wear wool, some even while its still attached to the sheep.

I don’t.

So as this rant (review) reaches its conclusion whats the score then.

Well the art is outstanding, and the story is sort of compelling if you like ultra violent Car Crash Kiddie Porn. So it should get a ten out of ten then?

On the other hand, if like me you are sick to the back teeth of a constant diet of sick violence on the Real World News, Current Affairs, and TV drama, and read comics to get away from the shit, not to mention the fact that perhaps a ten year old girl should be playing with a doll rather than opening up someone’s throat with a sword, then this score could plummet quite considerably,

There doesn’t seem to be a means to an end with this story, its just plan, brutal, sick shit, which has only been surpassed by Mark Millers Unfunnies, which really was the Pitts.

I don’t read comics for this crap, I think I will go read The Ultimate’s Volume One, and remind myself just how good a comic can be.

Another well mannered review by the well mannered boy.